Wishing you were somehow here again
by TheRealThing
Summary: A songfic based on the Andrew Lloyd Webber song from Phantom of the Opera Vader visits the grave of his wife on the 10th anniversary of her death.


**Based on "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" by Andrew Lloyd Webber **

**(one lyric was changed to suit the content of this songfic) **

Lord Vader visits the grave of his wife, on the tenth anniversary of her death.

It seemed as though night would never fall. Darth Vader knew the risk he was taking by coming to Naboo; if the Emperor found out about his foolishness, he would be most displeased. But Vader could not let this day pass without honoring her memory. It had been ten years since she had died at his own hand. In those ten years not a day had passed that he hadn't mourned her, his own self-loathing growing more with each passing year.

Finally the Naboo sky was dark, and Vader left the shuttle that he had landed just outside the cemetery. It was in a quiet area, just outside of Theed, and Vader had managed to explain his arrival using a flimsy excuse of being on official business here. No one would question him even if they had seen him, and no one certainly would have believed that he was here for personal reasons, to pay homage to his angel.

Vader felt himself fill with a cold sense of dread as he passed the gates of the cemetery, giving him reason to believe that there still was a heart that beat within him. Ten years…it had been ten years, and still the pain of her loss was still just as acute as the day it had happened. The day when he had slain his angel.

**You were once  
my one companion . . .  
you were all  
that mattered . . .  
You were once  
a friend and lover -  
then my world  
was shattered . . .**

Vader walked up the steps that lead to the mausoleum where his wife lay in eternal rest. He hadn't been there for her funeral, but had seen the footage of it on the holonet. No, he had been too busy serving his master, too busy becoming the thing he was now.

Vader stopped as he reached the wrought iron gate of the mausoleum, his boots seemingly adhering to the gravel path beneath them. His mouth was dry, and, even though it was probably impossible, he seemed to be holding his breath. Closing his eyes, he braced himself for the emotional onslaught he was about to subject himself to.

Using the Force he pushed open the gate and stepped inside. His eyes immediately went to her image projected in holographic form above the crypt, and his heart wrenched in agony. _Oh Padmé…_

**Wishing you were  
somehow here again . . .  
wishing you were  
somehow near . . .  
Sometimes it seemed  
if I just dreamed,  
somehow you would  
be here . . .  
**  
**Wishing I could  
hear your voice again . . .  
knowing that I  
never would . . .  
Dreaming of you  
won't help me to do  
all that you dreamed  
I could . . .  
**

Slowly, as though walking in a dream, he approached the crypt. He ran a gloved hand over the marble, reverently, slowly. _This is wrong_, he thought…_marble is too cold…she was never cold_…he closed his eyes again as the memories assaulted him, night spent in her arms, surrounded by the scent of her, swathed in her comforting warmth.

**  
Passing bells  
and sculpted angels,  
cold and monumental,  
seem, for you,  
the wrong companions -  
you were warm and gentle . . .  
**

Vader clenched his fists, the anger and agony of that day returning in full measure. How could he have let this happen? How would he ever get past it? It had been ten years, and still the loss of her was like an open wound that refused to heal.

**Too many years  
fighting back tears . . .  
Why can't the past  
just die . . .?  
**

"Padmé!" he cried, voicing the raw pain that filled him. He brought his gloved hands to his masked face, fists of rage that made little impact against the cold metal of his visage. He sank to his knees, his head bowed. With one hand he reached out to touch the crypt, the closest he would ever come to touching her again.

**Wishing you were  
somehow here again . . .  
knowing we must  
say goodbye . . .  
Try to forgive . . .  
teach me to live . . .  
give me the strength  
to try . . .  
**

Vader wept, a broken man, the heart that had once only existed for her now shattered. He knew that no matter how many years passed, he would never heal, and would remain forever incomplete, empty. She completed him, for she was his very soul, his angel…

**No more memories,  
no more silent tears . . .  
No more gazing across  
the wasted years . . .  
Help me say  
goodbye**

Rising to his feet, Vader fought to steady his breath, regulate his heart once again. He looked one last time at the image of his wife, and then turned and left, the image of her face forever burned in his mind and his heart.

**Help me say  
goodbye….**


End file.
